What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

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Make Nazis afraid again!

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

My dog is 2 weeks old. He's not eating, moving and always sleeping and I can't take him to a vet. What should I do?

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

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Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

How might an Indian girl respond to someone saying "I love you"?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

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Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

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Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

My marriage is fixed. My future husband repeatedly calls me to meet me in private and pressure me to have a relationship. What should I do?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

How do you go about getting invited to an orgy?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

What’s the weirdest phone call you have ever received?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

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TEXT:

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …